A Cure For Zelgadis
by Tsumira
Summary: Warning: A REALLY old fanfic. Lina Greywards and Lina Gabriev...wait a second, that won't work. Sakura and Rea search for a cure for Zelgadis, filled with fights between ZelLina fans and GourryLina fans, rabid fan girls, fainting, and MORE! Will Zelgad


A Cure For Zelgadis A Slayers Outrageous Fanfic By Lina Gabriev

(NOTE: Another sort of old fic. The Sakura in the fic is the host of a site dedicated to the coupling of Lina and Go.. Zel. Can't balme me for trying, can you? I USED to have a Lina & Gourry site...but it's been deactivated. I probably lost everything anyway. Oh well, I could always one day get around to moving it to my waitressfromhell site, which is currently a dead rpg that never started. Well, enjoy the fic...and please, Zel fans, don't flame me!)

Rea: Hi! Lina Gabriev here!

Sakura: And Lina Greywards!

Rea: Uh...Lina?

Sakura: Uh...yes Lina?

Rea: This isn't going to work for this fanfic.

Sakura: Yah...I've noticed.

...After some costume changing.

Rea: Hi! I'm Rea!

Sakura: And I'm Sakura!

Rea & Sakura: Today we bring to you live and in progress, "A Cure for Zelgadis"

Sakura: Do you really think we can find a cure for Zelgadis? He's such a babe as a human...but man he's just as hunky as a chimera.

Rea: ;;; Heh heh...I know what you mean. Well we can't find "A Cure for Zelgadis" without Zelgadis.

Sakura: Oh yah! I just can't wait! Hee hee!

Rea: Uh...where's Zelgadis?

Sakura: ;; You mean he's not here?

...After some confusion as to where Zel was and some unimportant underlings going out into the world to find him.

Rea: Everyone, please welcome our guest.

Sakura: Zelgadis Greywards!

...Zelgadis is pushed in between the two girls...unwillingly by the real Lina who's getting paid a huge sum of money not allowed to be disclosed to the public just for getting him here.

Zelgadis: Somebody remind me to fire my agent.

...Sakura's face lights up like a Christmas.

Sakura: Oh my God I can't believe he's here! Oh my God! I'm standing right next to Zel! I'm the luckiest girl in the world! Oh my God I think I'm gonna faint!

...Sakura faints and is caught instinctually by Zelgadis, who wasn't exactly catching her to be nice on anything, just out of instinct.

Rea: That was a close call Mister Zelgadis!

Zelgadis: Mind telling me why I'm here...miss...whatever your name is.

Rea: Rea!

Zelgadis: Mind telling me why I'm here, Miss Rea?

Rea: You're here because we're going to find a cure for you!

Zelgadis: Oh great, just what I need, another Amelia.

...An angry look crosses Rea's face.

Rea: WHAT did you just call me!

...Rea gets ready to hurt Zelgadis who happens to still be holding onto Sakura but fortunately, or unfortunately depending how you look at it, the mob of heart throbbed Zelgadis fans give her a dirty look and she decides the better of it.

Rea: You know...I think we should wake her up.

Zelgadis: Wake who up?

Rea: Sakura.

Zelgadis: Who's that?

Rea: The girl laying passed out in your arms.

...Zel blushes having forgot that he had caught her.

Zelgadis: Oh...um...yah.

...Zel lays her down on a bed that just comes from out of nowhere.

Zelgadis: Where did this bed come from?

Rea: Beats me.

...Sakura eventually comes around.

Sakura: Ugh...what happened?

Rea: You passed out but lucky for you Zel here caught you before you fell.

Sakura: Zel...caught...me?

Rea: Yes he did!

Sakura: I think I'm gonna faint.

Rea: Again! What for!

...Sakura blushes happily.

Sakura: He...touched...me!

...Sakura immediately passes out.

Rea: Oh brother.

Zelgadis: Well I better get going.

...Zelgadis tries to sneak out but he is instantly surrounded by his fans.

Rea: Aw come on Zel! You could be cured!

...Zelgadis gives Rea a cross look.

Zelgadis: Or I could just die while you try.

Rea: Don't be so pestimistic Zel! I'm sure we'll get it right!

...The Zelgadis fans cheer Zel on, much to the annoyance of Zelgadis and Rea's poor eardrums.

Rea: Uh...I think we need to wake Sakura back up first.

...Afterawhile, the wonderful...uh well maybe not that wonderful, Zel-Rea team manages to wake Sakura up and after several tries, manage to keep her from fainting from the slightest touch by Zelgadis.

Rea: Kind of makes me glad that I'm not such a huge Zelgadis fan.

...Evil glares from Zelgadis fans.

Sakura: Well I'm more of a Lina fan myself too...but I think Zel's much sexier in this case.

...Much blushing from everyone but Rea who despite acknowledging the fact that Zel is indeed very attractive, stubbornly insists that her own boyfriend is the most attractive of them all even if it may not be true but of course it's true because I'm Rea nd I say that it's true.

Zelgadis: Well if you two aren't going to cure me I was actually hot on the trail of finding the cure myself.

...Zelgadis starts to casually walk away but with the quick reaction time of Sakura and Rea, the two girls managed to stop him and hold him back while a few lucky fans get to tie him up to a chair that is bolted to the floor.

Sakura: Isn't this a little extreme Rea?

Rea: Not at all! It's not like we're hurting him or anything. He is made out of stone afterall.

Sakura: Well...I suppose you're right but...it still seems a bit harsh, all of those ropes and chains and all wrapped up all around him.

Rea: Aw don't worry so much! He's okay! Aren't you Zel?

...Rea ruffles Zel's hair and gets a few "splinters" while Zel tries to yell at them from the confines of his gag.

Sakura: See! You shouldn't have messed with his hair Rea!

...Rea silently cries and winces as she pulls out the wire hair from her hand.

Zelgadis: Mep miff maf moff mi.

Sakura: Did you just say something Zelgadis?

Zelgadis: Meff! MEP MIFF MAF MOFF MI!

Sakura: Mister Zelgadis, I can't understand a word you're saying. Rea, shouldn't we at least removed the gag?

...Rea takes off the gag.

Zelgadis: I said get this "Get this gag off me"

Sakura: Oh okay! Well it's off now!

...Rea puts the gag back on Zelgadis.

Sakura: Rea! Don't put it back on him!

...Rea takes it back off.

Rea: Awwwww I was just playing around Sakura!

Zelgadis: Can one of you two kindly untie me?

Sakura: Sure I will!

Rea: Sakura! He'll just escape!

Sakura: Aw but aren't we here to help him?

Rea: Yes we are! Which is why we need to keep him here or we'll never find "A Cure for Zelgadis"

Sakura: Well can we hurry up then? I'm eager to see him human again!

...Workers quickly empty the buckets of drool created by the anticipating Zelgadis fans.

Rea: Alright alright. Let me get out the Hickleberry Cure It Yourself Homemade Cure for Everything Handbook.

...Rea grabs the the strange book out of nowhere that kind of looks like a thick ancient fairytale book.

Sakura: Is it in there?

Rea: I'm looking...okay I think this could be it. Let's give it a try.

...Rea brings out an anime mallet and hits Zel in the head.

Zelgadis: Ouch!

Sakura: What the hell did you do that for!

...Rea sweatdrops.

Rea: Ooops! Wrong page! That's the cure for restlessness.

Sakura: Alright! Give me that book!

...Sakura tries to snatch the book from Rea, but Rea maintains a firm grip on the book absolutely refusing to let it go.

Sakura: Give me that book! I'll find...Zel's...cure...myself!

Zelgadis: Why don't you two just give me the book and I'll do it myself!

Rea: But where would the fun in that be!

Zelgadis: Why did I even bother?

...Sakura and Rea rip the book in half.

Sakura: Look what you did! You ripped the book in half!

Rea: You were the one who ripped it in half! If you had been patient, this wouldn't have happened.

...Sakura and Rea square off as the Zelgadis fans square off to keep Zelgadis from escaping even though he's tied up and chained into a chair that is bolted to the floor.

Zelgadis: Look, it's very nice what you all are trying to do for me, but I can find a cure on my own. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way.

...Sakura and Rea back off and shoo away the crowd from Zelgadis.

Sakura: I don't think Zel is in any position to just run away! He's tied and chained to a chair that is bolted to the ground! ;; Poor Zel, oh how he suffers!

...An annoyed look crosses Rea's face as she grabs another book of cure it yourself cures for absolutely anything and everything.

Sakura: You had another book? Where did you get if from?

Rea: Beats me. Probably the same place where all the Sailor Senshi keep their Henshin Pens at.

Sakura: In their bras?

Rea: O.O ;;;;;;;; Uh, I think that's only Neptune and Uranus who do that.

...Zelgadis tries desperately to break free from the rope and chains that tie him down into the chair that is bolted to the ground.

Rea: I'm sure something in this book should cure him!

...Rea flips through the book.

Rea: I think I have a cure here!

Sakura: Really! What do we need to do!

Zelgadis: Do you really have a real cure this time?

Rea: We need a princess!

Sakura: A princess? What for?

Rea: We need a princess to kiss him!

Sakura: To...to...kiss...kiss...to kiss him!

...Sakura, along with several other Zel fans, pass out.

Rea: I thought we cured her of that!

Zelgadis: Does wonders for my self-esteem everytime this girl manages to pass out on me. sarcasm there

...After a few slaps, taps, and half a gallon of whater, Sakura is awaken.

Rea: I thought you had stopped fainting.

Sakura: I thought so too. Well...where...where...where are we going to find...a...a...princess to...uh...uh...uh.

Rea: Kiss Zel? Hmmmm...not sure.

Zelgadis: Oh please, anyone but Amelia!

Sakura: Hey, isn't Lina a princess? attempting to get Lina & Zel to kiss because she is a supporter of the Lina-Zel coupling

Rea: I don't know...I think Lina is kind of busy working her lips with someone else.

...A big movie screen appears behind them showing the scene where Gourry chases after Lina who is being sucked up into chaos where they kiss for the first and possibly last time.

Rea: Rewind!

...The scene is rewound and played again and Rea drools watching it.

Sakura: I hate you.

...An angry mob of Lina-Zel fans gang up on Rea and beat her to the ground for showing such "offensive" material.

Zelgadis: Let me guess, that's a group of fans who believe that Lina Inverse is my true love and they're beating the crap out of her because she showed a scene from the anime in which Lina and Gourry kissed, am I right?

Sakura: You are correct!

...Lina Inverse, also insulted by the scene of her kissing the jellyfish for brains, Gourry Gabriev, throws a fireball at Rea, thus incinerating her and the fans attacking her.

Sakura: Rea! Are you alright!

...Rea respawns as good as new.

Rea: Yah, I'm alright. Guess I have to watch that in the privacy of my own home from now on.

Sakura: ;;;;;;;; Yah.

Rea: Now we need a princess to kiss Zel! No...no...don't...no no, don't even think about it Sakura!

Sakura: Think about what?

Rea: Passing out!

Sakura: Oh, but I never think about passing out...I...I.

Rea: I forbid you to pass out!

Sakura: Uh...okay.

Rea: Now then, we need a princess.

Sakura: Where are we going to find one?

Rea: Right here of course!

Zelgadis: ;-; Please God, not Amelia.

Sakura: Not Amelia!

...Rea brings out a fancy sword from out of nowhere and gently touches it to Sakura's shoulder.

Rea: I, Rea, the creator of this fanfic, hereby dub thee, Princess Sakura!

Sakura: I'm...I'm...I'm a princess!

Rea: You may now kiss Zelgadis!

Sakura: I...may...now...kiss...kiss...Zel...Zelgadis!

...Sakura passes out...


End file.
